The busy days of summer are behind us and crisp air has arrived, both in Michigan (Wendi’s home) and yes . . . even Florida (Karilee’s abode). We are so blessed by your prayers, support, and love as we continue to minister to hurting families.

HIGHLIGHTS:

WCM parents’ retreat—a wonderful, relaxing time, as hurting parents came together Sept. 9-11 for encouragement and fellowship. The excellent accommodations and superb homemade food at Oak Forest Center in Frederic, Wisconsin set an uplifting tone as attendees enjoyed music by Josh Calhoun, a former “wild child” himself. Dan and Wendi each taught sessions and Karilee joined in for Q & A. Look for another retreat: Fall 2012

Wendi’s Schooling & Work—nearing the finish line! Wendi has finished her “Practicum” of 100 hours and is one-quarter of the way through her “Internship” hours (700 needed), working at the Webster Youth House in Muskegon, MI, an outreach to troubled teens, and at Every Woman’s Place, where she works with domestic violence clients. Wendi will take her final class next semester and will graduate in the spring of 2012. We thank everyone for their prayers on Wendi’s behalf.

Even though her schedule has been “crazy-full,” and chronic infections still flair up regularly, her liver-function seems to be improving. With all that is before her, God continues to give Wendi sufficient strength and ability to work, study, counsel, and speak. (This month Wendi spoke at a parolee event, where she was able to share her story of God’s grace in her life.)

Wild Child, Waiting Mom Book Reprint—thank you, each one who donated toward this project. We are happy to announce that our reprint will take place the first part of November . . . and none too soon, as we are almost to the bottom of our supply. What a joy it has been to see God meet this important need through you.

Thank you, dear friends in Christ, for supporting Wild Child Ministries through gifts, prayers, and love. May you sense our Lord’s presence and guidance each and every day – and may His deep love encompass your hearts and minds with His abiding peace.

“Enter into his gates with thanksgiving and into His courts with praise; be thankful unto him and bless his name.” Psalm 100:4

In the 20-year journey of waiting for our prodigal daughter to return home to the Savior, many times I found myself totally spent of energy, exhausted and discouraged from the myriad challenges of Wendi’s deteriorating life. “How long, oh Lord, how long?”

A glimmer of hope triggered by any small, positive action or word by Wendi would send my spirit soaring, like a kite, to the heavens—only to be cruelly dashed to the ground a short time later as the grip of sin drew her into even deeper snares.

Up . . . down . . . up . . . down . . . my emotions soared and plummeted like a grossly mismanaged kite . . . that is, until midway through this two-decade-journey the Lord reminded me that Wendi’s struggle was not mine to “figure out” or manage. Her behavior sprang from a spiritual void in her soul; and until Jesus captured her heart, nothing I could do or say would change her behavior. Only the Holy Spirit had the power to reach into her hardening heart and change her life.

[Click here to read our complete Summer 2011 Update PDF]

When I truly came to understand that fact, I let go of the strings by which I was trying to manipulate Wendi’s life, giving Jesus total control of this wind-buffeted journey. I had to relinquish control every single day. Whenever I tried to take back control, I’d consciously surrender Wendi back to the Lord: “Please reach into her heart, Dear Lord . . . awaken her soul . . . bring her home,” I would pray. Of course, as a mother, I’d help and guide when I could—but the burden of accomplishing her turnaround was lifted. That was God’s job.

My responsibility was to Pray, Lean, and Trust:

PRAY – The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working (James 5:16 – ESV)

LEAN – Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you (Psalm 55:22 – ESV)

TRUST – Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass (Ps. 37:5 – KJV)

Guess what! I have discovered in the years since Wendi’s return to the Savior, that Prayer, Leaning, & Trusting is just as crucial for me today as it was during that 20-year prodigal trial. I still find myself battling a propensity to fly the kite of life all by myself; yet, I’m happy to say that I now more quickly and readily turn things over to Him. I’ve crashed too many life-kites.

Do you have burdens? . . .

Worries . . . fears . . . pain . . . ?

Are you discouraged . . . saying, “How long, oh LORD?”

Then perhaps you can find rest in your difficulty (as I finally did during Wendi’s rebellion). Learn to Pray, Lean, and Trust your heavenly Father as you hand-over that burden to Him.

[Click here to read our complete Summer 2011 Update PDF]

Dear friend, ARE YOU:

Still waiting for your prodigal to return home to Christ?

Still praying through tears year after year?

Still hoping for that miracle?

• • Don’t give up!
• • Don’t stop praying!

God’s timetable is not the same as yours. He is accomplishing His purposes as you wait on Him in prayer. So remember this: As long as there’s life and breath, there’s hope for your beloved’s return! “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” – James 5:16 (ESV)

Recently Dan & Karilee were given opportunity to share their testimony as parents who awaited Wendi’s return to Christ for 20 years. Sharing at three services of their church in March, they were part of 5-6 testimonies given at the end of the service to affirm not only God’s existence, but His supernatural work in people’s lives. God, and God alone, brought our prodigal daughter back to Himself in 2000. How we Praise Him!

FROM WENDI:

My studies are coming along well – I have completed 72 of the 98 credit hours needed for my degree.

Coming Up:

● My Internship begins in June, ‘11 at Webster House in Muskegon, MI. Webster House’s primary work is done with runaway teens and troubled teens in a four-county radius. After completing a 100 hour practicum, I’ll be putting in 600 intern hours.

I’m so thankful that God has given me this opportunity to work with an agency that will allow me to tailor-fit my experience. I will be working with two populations of teens: 1) pregnant teens (helping them with employment issues); and 2) troubled teens in the four counties served. What is incredible is that these counties are the exact ones I hope to establish my counseling practice in with Wild Child Ministries! I drove away from my internship interview smiling at how ONLY GOD can create such amazing, perfect opportunities! YOUR PRAYERS ARE BEING HEARD. Thank you!

CURRENT ACTIVITIES:

● I’ve been meeting with (and e-mailing) many individuals who struggle with prodigals. Some I meet with are mothers . . . others are the teens themselves. Please continue to pray for me!

● Upcoming speaking opportunities:

Summer, 2011 – coordinating engagements in Michigan – will post on WCM site

September, 2011 – weekend seminar for families of prodigals in northern Wisconsin. I’ll be sharing speaking responsibilities with my father, Dan Hayden.

FUTURE VISION AND PRAYER REQUESTS:

● The reprinting of our book

● We’re seeking God’s direction for a person to organize a core prayer group for individual names that come to WCM and to help develop local prayer outreaches

With all the health issues I’ve experienced in the past year, I’m deeply grateful for the daily strength the Lord gives me as I work toward the completion of my degree while reaching out to individuals and the community. THANK YOU, EACH ONE, FOR YOUR PRAYERS!

“If you, then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him?” Matt. 7:11

The first Christmas following our daughter’s downward spiral into rebellion, our hearts were filled with great sorrow. Wendi was sixteen – and pregnant. Where could we find “joy to the world” that season? How could we celebrate Christmas when we hurt so deeply? The only gift we wanted that Christmas—our only wish—was for our beloved prodigal to return home to Christ. Yet, during those days of heartache . . . and every single day of her waywardness . . . we discovered an abundance of gifts readily available to us, her parents. Where? . . . Under the tree called Calvary, where plenteous gifts were ours for the taking:

• PEACE – when we kept our minds stayed on Him (Isa. 26:3)
• ENCOURAGEMENT – from God, a “very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46)
• HOPE – an abundance of hope! (Rom 15:13)
• COMFORT – because we were His children (2 Thess. 2:16-17)
• JOY – in His presence (Psalm 16:11)

Jesus offers you “GOOD GIFTS” too—gifts chosen especially for you!

Whatever your pain is today—no matter how impossible your situation seems, dear friend—Jesus Christ will be your Comforter, Sustainer, and Giver of all GOOD GIFTS.

“No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” – Psalm 84:11

REMEMBER THIS, HURTING PARENT & SUFFERING CHRISTIAN:

To believe His Word is to receive His gifts

We wish you JOY this Christmas season and in 2011!

When God tells us to slow down, His message can be overwhelmingly direct. For me, the communication came in the form of a broken ankle. Caution: Beware of taking little black dogs for walks on dark, rainy nights! (Don’t worry – the dog is fine.)

The first week after my fall I was relatively miserable. This was followed by an unwanted (although necessary) surgery of a plate and six screws being placed into my right ankle. Altogether, I was forced to completely halt my life for almost an entire month.

Now, I don’t do inactivity well. Somehow I was able to get my school work done and did not miss even one class. But, that is all I did. No time was given to my internship. I did no cooking or cleaning. Basically, I laid on the couch with my foot elevated and iced down while reading and watching old movies. I was at the mercy of my family for every need I had.

Throughout the month, I would have to send people up to my room for this or that. I had to rely on my family to make my meals and provide me with social interaction. As the days moved sluggishly on, everyone started getting tired of “waiting hand and foot on mom.” Everyone, that is, except my daughter Courtney Grace (a.k.a. Gracie).

My Gracie became my angel. Never once did she complain or make me feel like a burden. She cheerfully cooked delicious meals and kept the house in order. She sat with me hour after hour and showered me with loving attention. She even took a picture of my discolored and swollen ankle to e-mail to my mother. Ew-w-w!

Through the selfless efforts of my daughter, I was reminded of God’s Grace toward us. He says, for by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8 (NASB). True grace is a gift. The ultimate beauty of God is portrayed when a person gives of themselves with no expectations of recompense.

God has blessed me with not only His grace, but with His gift of Gracie.

~ Wendi English

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

A new year is upon us and, as is often the custom, many of us reflect upon the past year as we look to the new. A word of encouragement to those who might be looking back or forward toward continued personal physical or emotional pain: All of us can begin this new year with hope—a hope that is based, not upon results or an outcome, but which is anchored securely in the Person of Jesus Christ. He is our hope.

The Bible tells us that those who come to God must believe that He is, and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Heb. 11:6). To discover God’s mercy and grace (Heb. 4:16), we must come to His “throne of grace” in earnest prayer, daily seeking his face.

This year, each day, let’s just do it!

~ Karilee Hayden

“In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you”. . . (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NAS)

All of us, at one time or another, have been challenged by this verse, haven’t we—because during tough times, we just don’t feel like giving thanks!

Halfway through our daughter’s 20-year rebellion, I suddenly woke up to the fact that the majority of my thoughts were being focused on my problems: my fears for Wendi’s future—my frustrations with her poor choices—my feelings of personal parenting inadequacies—my struggles to help our daughter see God’s love and desires for her. At that particular moment in life, God had gotten my attention (through His Word) that He wanted me to find ways to be thankful to Him . . . to look for and appreciate the many good things currently present in my life . . . to discover the hope and joy and peace of a having thankful spirit . . . to thank and praise Him even when I didn’t feel like it (read pages 156-159 in Wild Child, Waiting Mom to see how God led me into a daily “two-mile-walk-of-praise”).

The Bible says that being thankful is not only important for our emotional and spiritual well-being, but the exercise of thankfulness—even in the hardest of times—is essential in our relationship with Christ, and an integral ingredient of personal spiritual growth. Praising God in tough times draws us more deeply into His magnificent love and generates a precious reliance of trust and rest in His sufficiency for all our needs.

Now, here I am, almost ten years after Wendi’s return to the Savior, learning yet another lesson about being a thankful child of God. Not too long ago I experienced a physical problem that twice landed me in the emergency room, one visit resulting in a several-day hospital stay. My physical problems were related to a wildly arrhythmic heart. Shortly after I was released from the hospital I found myself looking at people through the lens of their healthy hearts. As middle-aged shoppers strode by I’d silently wonder, Have you given thanks to God today that your heart beats steadily without instruction from you? A twenty-something girl hurrying past would trigger the thought, When was the last time you thanked God that you are healthy and strong? In watching fathers playfully interacting with their young sons my soul asked theirs, Are you appreciative that you can do that without shortness of breath? Seeing carefree teens horsing around in the mall made my heart want to shout, Be thankful! Be thankful!

We take so much for granted . . . until it is gone . . . or broken . . . or failing.

Today I exhort each of us to regularly and purposefully tell God thank you. Thank Him for the things so often taken for granted:  legs that walk . . . ears and eyes that work well . . . hearts that beat properly . . . lungs that breathe without help. Let’s thank Him for music and colors and lakes and cherished pets . . . for sunshine and rainbows and breezes . . . for the ability to read and think and talk  . . . for the privilege of communing one-on-one with almighty God. For religious freedom. For our more-than-ample American conveniences. Thank Him for friends and family (warts and all). Praise Him for the fact that, though He didn’t have to, God crafted a plan for His children (self-centered, sinful, and often ungrateful as we are) to one day live in His presence, with perfect bodies and in complete joy, forever and ever . . . Wow! Thank Him for that.

Let’s be grateful, appreciative children toward our wondrous heavenly Father.

“Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name” . . . (Hebrews 13:15 – KJV)

~ Karilee Hayden

Recently my daughter and I met a beautiful young lady and her mother for coffee. This young woman has chosen the path of recovery at a young age and her eyes sparkled with hope—a newfound hope in Christ. I was praising God for the amazing things I saw in her life. These are the moments I enjoy the most. She came however with a pointed question for me. It is a question asked many times by others in the recovery process; and in fact it’s a question that has settled in my heart since my own abusive circumstances: “Why did you stay so long with your abuser?”

Why, indeed? It seems, sadly, to be a question too many have had to ask regarding the abused woman. Why does she stay? Can’t she see that he will never change? What in the world is wrong with her?

My abuser told me that I was beautiful and doted over me in a way I had never felt before. Then gradually he started to set unrealistic expectations that I could never meet. His disappointment in me was how he justified his abuse toward me. Sometimes he would let me believe that I had diffused a situation. But it only took one time of physical violence to plant of seed of terror that kept me compliant. In my mind I was safer with him than to leave him. I “knew” he would try to kill me if I left.

The abuser is actually using a powerful form of brainwashing. Here, according to one source, is the common cycle of violent abuse: 1st is the Tension-Building Phase which can go for days or even years. For me, this entailed an unbearable tension as I did all I could to keep the peace; but I knew that danger lie ahead. 2nd comes what is called the Acute-Battering Phase— the explosion of anger directed at the abused partner. This is a time of great release and instant relief for the abuser and a time of shock, denial and shame for the abused person.

The 3rd step of the cycle is the Contrite and Loving Behavior Phase or the (“Honeymoon” Phase.) “I’m so sorry; I’ll never do it again.” This is a time of repentance and promises and possibly even some temporary changes (stop drinking, counseling, etc.) It is a wonderful time that I remember fondly. Once again I was beautiful, needed, and loved. This is why I stayed. This is what I longed for. This is the power of manipulation that got me to come back home after the violence.

The 4th and final step is the Calm Phase. Everything is peaceful. It’s good. It’s exactly the way it should be…and then we go back to Phase One.

Domestic abuse is a slippery and evil force with which to be reckoned. Its victims have been compared to those who have been through child abuse, hostage situations, concentration camps, and POWs. I realize this information is intense and painful to read, but as a survivor of abuse, the above steps seem right on target. It is my goal to help you understand what your loved one is going through so that you can give knowledgeable support and hope.

More in-depth information can be found on the Web:

Biderman’s Chart of Coercion: http://www.familyshelterservice.org/pdf/bidermans_chart_of_coercion.pdf

Stockholm Syndrome: http://people.howstuffworks.com/stockholm-syndrome.html

1 Peter 1:3 – Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

~ Wendi English

My soul is . . . very vexed; but thou, O LORD, how long? (Psalm 6:3)

When our daughter Wendi became pregnant at age 16, Dan and I found ourselves thrown into a life-situation we were totally unprepared for. A death-grip of the world, the flesh, and the devil had seized our daughter’s heart and began to squeeze the very life out of her. Emotional pain such as we had never experienced before sucked the joy out of life. Peace seemed elusive. Instead, sorrow, fears, and even moments of despair clung to us like smelly wet garments. Nine months later her beautiful boy was born and placed up for adoption. With broken hearts we continued our prayer vigil for Wendi and hoped for a new dawn in our storm.

What a long, agonizing year! Would the experience of bearing a child be Wendi’s wake-up call? Would her heart turn back to the Lord as she faced this heart-rending consequence of her rebellious heart? Ah, no . . . another spiral downward would cast her into a level of drugs and alcohol that nearly destroyed her. Where are you, God? I thought you cared! Please hear our cries. How long, O Lord, how long?

God did answer our prayers. But His timetable was different than ours. A total of 20 arduous years would slog by before Wendi came to the end of her self—to realize her need for the Savior. The whys of that long interval of heartache is a topic for another time. God’s purposes are never fully understood this side of heaven, but I do know that He pursued Wendi each step of the way, and He personally taught me deep and beautiful lessons during our painful journey.

Keeping the flame of hope burning in the midst of heartbreak isn’t an easy task. Much of the time our eyes leave the magnificent love of God to focus on the problems. We fasten our thoughts on each wrong action of our beloved child . . . we dwell on our fears and pain. Sometimes we even emotionally pull back to a place of despair. It need not be so.

Dear parent, during your child’s rebellion, choose to actively seek the Lord. Daily set aside time—time each day without disturbance—to draw your heart to Christ. Learn of His love for you and your child. Learn of His ability to bring beauty out of ashes of pain. Learn of HIM. He offers rest for your soul.

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me…; and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matt. 11:28-29).

~ Karilee Hayden

“Oh Lord, Kathy is sure a bad influence on my daughter. Would you please break up their friendship before my girl gets hurt . . .”

O-o-h, that sounds kind of harsh. “Uh, Lord . . . I know Kathy has a rebellious attitude because of her parents’ divorce and because she doesn’t know You. Would you please let us have a positive influence for Christ so she could get saved . . .

“Well, actually Lord, I’m a little confused. You know I’m concerned for my daughter; but I also would love to see Kathy find Christ. Please help me know what to pray.”

Have you ever prayed a prayer like that? I wish I had the proverbial nickel for every time I haven’t known what to pray. It probably wouldn’t make me rich, but it would undoubtedly be enough to take my wife Karilee out for a nice evening and dinner.

Well, God understands our dilemma. Trying to balance the sovereign actions of God with our willful desires is probably the most common problem in our prayers. So God has taken the initiative to help us by assigning a special ministry of prayer to the Holy Spirit on our behalf:

Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches the hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God – Romans 8:26,27 (ESV)

What is it that the Holy Spirit actually does? These verses say that He helps us when we don’t know what to pray. I know how to pray – it’s what that has me off-balance.

You see, I don’t always know what the will of God is in any particular situation. Is it to use our home to influence Kathy for Christ, or is it to break up the friendship between Kathy and my daughter? But the Holy Spirit knows exactly what the will of God is – so He jumps in and prays for me. In other words, He takes my crazy, mixed-up prayer and straightens it out as it flies toward the throne of God.

I pray, “Lord, take away this pain.” Then the Holy Spirit says, “Oops. Wrong prayer,” and changes it to say, “Lord, use this pain to help me grow spiritually and to give me a platform to bring glory to Your name.” That’s how it comes to God – and God says, “My, that’s a wonderful prayer. I think I’ll answer it just that way.”

Now, that’s often why the answer to our prayers is different than the way we prayed. The Holy Spirit is helping us by correcting our prayers so that God can answer them according to His perfect will.

Understand, though – this is no mechanical thing like a computer program that automatically corrects your spelling. The verses say that the Holy Spirit interecedes for us with groanings too deep for words. This is the normal word for interecede, but something special is added to it. The Greek preposition “huper” (from which we get our word “hyper”) is added to the front of the word so that the Holy Spirit is actually hyper-interceding for us. Wow! That’s pretty intense.

Then, the emotional element is added: . . . with groanings too deep for words. You see, the Holy Spirit is so concerned about our relationship to Christ that His prayer on our behalf is filled with emotional groanings which cannot begin to be verbalized. It’s like a gut-reaction that totally identifies with the intense pain that surrounds our confused prayer.

If you knew that I was agonizing in intercessory prayer for you with regard to some problem in your life, you would probably be greatly encouraged that I cared enough for you to pray that way on your behalf. Well, that is exactly what the Holy Spirit does every time you bring your troubles to God in prayer. He helps you by hyper-interceding for you, with agonizing emotion, that God will do exactly what is good and best for your life and the life of the person for whom you’re praying.

How encouraging is that! And, you can count on it – because God said so.

~ Dan Hayden